You and your partner have been together for a while now. The relationship is going well — you enjoy each other’s company, make each other laugh, and feel supported. But when it comes to your sex life, things have slowed down.

You couldn’t keep your hands off each other at the beginning of your relationship. Now, you’re down to once or twice a month. Is this normal? You start to wonder if you should be intimate more often.

We’ve all asked ourselves at some point — how much sex is the “right” amount for a couple? The answer isn’t simple. Many factors, like age, interests, and work schedules, determine what’s healthy for your relationship. But if you’re curious about norms, let’s explore how often couples tend to have sex and provide tips to keep your intimate life strong.

The Ideal Sex Frequency for Couples

When it comes to sex, every couple has their own ideal frequency. Some prefer daily connection, while for others, once or twice a month is enough for reconnection. There’s no “normal” amount, only what works for you and your partner. The ideal sex frequency is one where both partners feel satisfied and connected without feeling overwhelmed or like they’re missing out. For most couples, 2-3 times a week is the right amount. It’s often enough to keep that intimate spark alive, yet not so frequent it becomes routine or causes exhaustion. Of course, there will be natural ups and downs.

The only way to find your ideal sex frequency is through open communication with your partner about your desires, expectations, and any issues preventing intimacy. Be honest but gentle. Scheduling sex or trying new activities like tantric sex can help if life has reduced your frequency. Still, the foundation should always be mutual understanding and respect between you and your partner. 

Factors That Impact Sexual Frequency

The truth is, there’s no “normal” amount of sex for couples. Your libido depends on many personal factors and dynamics within the relationship.

Age and Life Stage

Young couples in their 20s and 30s often have an active sex life, having sex two or three times a week. As you age and life gets busier with careers, kids, and responsibilities, sexual frequency tends to decrease. Don’t worry; this is completely normal and doesn’t necessarily mean you’re losing interest in your partner.

Health and Energy Levels

If you or your partner suffer from health issues like depression, anxiety, or hormonal imbalances, it can lower libido and sex drive. Lack of sleep and high stress also deplete your energy and make you less in the mood for sex. Exercise, relaxation techniques like yoga or meditation, and a balanced diet can help boost your health and sex life.

Relationship Satisfaction

The state of your emotional and physical intimacy impacts your sex life. Unresolved issues like lack of communication, trust, or attraction problems will make you feel distant from your partner and less motivated for sex. Make date nights, express your affection openly, practice active listening, and try new activities together to reconnect.

Experimenting in the Bedroom

Doing the same routine in bed over and over can lead to boredom and dull your sex life. Try role-playing, new positions, sex toys, fantasy sharing, or whatever else sounds exciting to you. Exploring each other’s interests will make sex fun and passionate again.

How to Have a Healthy Sex Life in Your Relationship

A healthy sex life is important for intimacy and connection with your partner. Here are some tips to spice it up:

• Discuss each other’s needs and desires openly and honestly. Be willing to compromise when your libidos differ. 
• Try new positions or locations to spice things up. Flirt with your partner throughout the day with suggestive texts or touches to build anticipation for the evening. 
• Plan date nights and weekend getaways without distractions. Turn off your phones and focus on connecting with your partner. 
• Give random compliments, hold hands, hug, and kiss. Feeling emotionally close will make you more inclined to be physically intimate.

There’s no magic number for how often you and your partner should have sex. The most important thing is that you’re both on the same page and feel satisfied, whether multiple times a week or just a few times a month. Reach out and book a couples therapy or relationship counseling to learn more about how I can help.