Adultery was never what you wanted. You never imagined the flood of realization, betrayal, and devastation that would threaten to sweep everything away. 

Now you’re treading water. The rupture in your relationship is real. Do you get back on board with your spouse and try to survive the strong currents of emotion? Is there any way to stay afloat?

No one would blame you if you gave up. People would understand if you let the relationship sink and saved yourself.

But there may be room for something more heroic. If you and your spouse are brave and committed, you could swim hard against infidelity, repair the rupture, and reach higher ground.

Your marriage can survive adultery

Here’s how to rescue your relationship:

Marriage Preserver #1: Commitment and Intentionality

Surviving adultery will mean truly deciding to stay together. Your marriage can make it if you make intentional choices when it counts from here on out.

• For the unfaithful partner: Will you turn your back on infidelity and your extra-marital partner(s) completely? There must be no doubt to whom you are devoted. Clearly choose your partner from this day forward. It is foundational to the success of your marriage.

• For the faithful partner: Will you consider how you contributed to your marriage’s problems? Choosing to use adultery as an opportunity for positive change is foundational for moving past anger and blame.

• Will you both agree to seek the help of a qualified couples counselor?

Deciding to accept help and support is one of the most important decisions you’ll make. Individual and couples therapy provide the emergency assistance necessary for survival.

Marriage Preserver #2: Sincere and Honest Information Sharing

A willingness to be above board and forthcoming signals that you will do what it takes to salvage your relationship. Reconnection via communication is crucial.

Restore authenticity. Now is the time for unmitigated truth and transparency.

• Answer the “why” and “how” questions that swirl between you.

• Openly discuss the relational realities that preceded infidelity.

• Explore feelings of rejection and emotional distance.

• Talk about recurring conflicts or issues.

Your counselor’s expertise will be particularly valuable in helping you use productive and effective communication methods. He or she can help facilitate your growth towards marital awareness, compassion, and mutual respect.

Marriage Preserver #3: Healing through Forgiveness and Restoration

Healing is essential for long-term survival. A desire to put the affair to rest completely, signals hope for complete restoration.

Forgiveness is not easy and is a process that takes time, but it’s the component necessary for resolving and moving through the pain of adultery to true recovery.

From a state of forgiveness, strengthened, sensitive connections are built.

You’ll both begin to feel safe and heard again.

Grief and resentment will recede as a desire to move forward occurs.

This shift happens over time. It isn’t linear and comes with emotional ups and downs. However, in time, you’ll find that forgiveness ushers in a season of restored intimacy, trust, and relationship security.

Marriage Preserver #4: A Preventive Maintenance and Protection Plan

Your marital survival and recovery will be further reinforced and secured as trust and cooperation grow and are successfully tested.

You and your spouse will have the chance to share intimately and set new relationship goals. You will have a new future together to protect and enjoy.

The damage of adultery will not simply fade away.

Resist the urge to simply drift along in denial or drown in unhappiness. Increase your chances of marital survival with improved communication, connection, and hope.

Your relationship can survive this. You can endure and thrive. Together, reach the higher ground that will keep your marriage protected and strong.

If your relationship has been affected by infidelity and you’re struggling to keep your head above water, reach out to see how couples therapy can help.