It’s true — love is patient, love is kind, and love is unselfish. Love often leads to sacrifices for others, placing their needs above our own, and doing anything to ensure their personal well-being. What if these selfless acts come at a cost? They can, and it’s called codependency.

In a marriage, partners can start to lean a little too heavily on one another for emotional support and validation. Codependency can cause unhealthy patterns of behavior, emotional exhaustion, and even an overall sense of dissatisfaction in the relationship. So, how can this cycle be broken?

What Is Codependency?

We must first understand what codependency means. It typically involves one partner taking on a caretaker role, often at the expense of neglecting their own needs, while the other partner grows dependent on this care. There is a dynamic imbalance at play, which can be damaging to the overall foundation of the marriage. Codependency may look like:

• Difficulty setting boundaries
• A strong need for approval from your partner
• Fear your partner may abandon or reject you
• Prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own
• Enabling each other’s unhealthy behaviors

How to Break Codependency

1. Self-Awareness

To start, you want to be aware that you are in a codependent relationship. To do this, you must first reflect on the nature of the marriage and identify ways that behaviors have contributed to this dynamic. Journaling, self-help books, therapy, and talking things through are great ways to begin the reflection process. Understanding the root causes of codependency is the first step in breaking it.

2. Healthy Boundaries

Establishing and respecting boundaries involves clear communication about your needs and limitations. It’s healthy to engage in separate hobbies and activities away from your partner, have different friend groups, and set expectations for behaviors and attitudes towards one another. Healthy boundaries equal a balanced partnership where both people can feel valued and appreciated.

3. Emotional Independence

This skill is the ability to manage emotions independently of your partner. Essentially, it’s an individual learning to not rely so much on their partner for reassurance and comfort. This does not mean you cannot lean on them for support from time to time; it’s just important to learn to self-soothe. Practice techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, and engaging in activities that bring personal joy. Encouraging your partner to do the same can help both individuals grow emotionally.

4. Communication Skills

Open, honest, and empathetic communication allows people to express their feelings and needs without fear of upsetting their partner. Active listening and the use of “I” statements are great skills to use when communicating. Attempting to address issues in a calm and respectful manner can significantly improve a marriage while working through issues with codependency.

5. Encourage Personal Growth

Supporting each other’s personal growth is important when breaking the cycle of codependency. Encourage one another to pursue hobbies, interests, and goals separately. Not only will this provide individual fulfillment, but it may also bring new experiences and perspectives into the relationship as you engage in different things. Focus on how you can support each other individually rather than leaning too heavily.

6. Equality

A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and equality. Recognize and appreciate each other’s strengths and contributions to the relationship. However, understand that not one of you is better than the other. Do not hold your partner on a pedestal, but focus on how relationships are about equal give and take.

7. Professional Help

Codependency can be difficult to break on its own, so it may be beneficial to seek marriage counseling from a mental health professional. Not only can therapists teach skills for overcoming codependency, but they can also provide guidance on how to maintain independence. Are you ready to break the cycle? Schedule a session today!

Contact Me