They say that your past makes you into the person you are today. Both the positive and negative experiences you had as a child shape and mold you through your adulthood.

You may have learned things through family members, babysitters, friends, classmates, and teachers. You may have even picked up on a few things along the line without even realizing it.

The attachment you formed with your primary caregiver as an infant and child can affect you years later, even as an adult. How your wants and needs were met or unmet in your younger years can determine how you respond to certain situations and life events today.

Let’s learn more about how childhood experiences shape attachment styles.

What are Attachment Styles?

An attachment style is an attachment that all infants and children form with their primary caregivers. It’s how our primary caregivers interacted with and cared for us when we were younger. How our needs were met or how we were responded to can impact us even in adulthood regarding our expectations and relationships moving forward.

The Types of Attachment Styles

According to psychologists, there are four main types of attachment styles. While there are four different types of attachment styles, only one is actually a secure type of attachment. The other three fall under an insecure type of attachment style.

1. Secure Attachment

This is the only secure attachment style of the four. This type of attachment style is formed when an infant feels safe and cared for by their primary caregiver. It happens when a primary caregiver is present and meets the wants and needs of the child.

Adults with a secure attachment style have an overall high self-esteem and feel safe and confident in their relationships. These are some of the most common signs of a secure attachment style:

• Comfortable being alone
• Connects with others easily
• Conflict management
• Emotionally available
• Healthy communication
• Regulates emotions
• Trust

2. Anxious Attachment

This is the first of the three insecure attachment styles. This attachment style is formed when an infant’s care of love isn’t predictable. An anxious attachment style occurs when a primary caregiver isn’t as present or predictable when giving care and love.

Adults with an anxious attachment style often struggle with their relationships in adulthood. They may worry that their partners or friends won’t reciprocate their love. Due to how they were raised, they may fear being abandoned or rejected by loved ones.

Adults with an anxious attachment style have low self-esteem and feel codependent in their relationships. These are some of the most common signs of an anxious attachment style:

• Difficulty being alone
• Jealousy
• Lack of trust in others
• Low self-esteem
• Sensitive
• Unworthiness

3. Avoidant Attachment

This style of attachment is formed when a child’s wants or needs are neglected or dismissed completely.

Adults with an avoidant attachment style tend to avoid intimacy or invest a lot of time and energy into relationships. These are some of the most common signs of an avoidant attachment style:

• Avoid intimacy
• Commitment issues
• Difficulty trusting others
• Dismissal of others
• Independence
• Uneasiness when others get too close

4. Disorganized Attachment

A disorganized attachment style is the last type of insecure attachment. This type of attachment style typically forms through traumatic life experiences like abuse, neglect, or trauma.

Adults with a disorganized attachment style tend to crave love or want to feel like they belong, but they also may be fearful of these things. These are some of the most common signs of a disorganized attachment style:

• Contradicting behaviors
• Fear of rejection
• Lack of trust in others
• Unable to regulate emotions

Next Steps

Childhood experiences affect a person’s ability to form and build relationships even in adulthood. No matter what type of attachment style you have, whether it’s secure or insecure, there are ways to work towards building and maintaining a secure attachment style. If you’re interested in learning more about relationship counseling, contact us today to schedule a consultation.