If you’re single and haven’t tried an online dating option, you may find that you’re in the minority. But first things first: I am not really talking about online dating, but online introduction services. Many people engage in long-term email correspondences that go nowhere. If you do not have coffee with a prospect after 3 to 5 email exchanges, then you are spinning your wheels.

Online dating sites no longer comprise the strange, roll-of-the dice, computerized version of newspaper personal ads, or “agony ads” as the Brits used to say, that they were 15 years ago. eHarmony, OKCupid, Match.com, Our Time, and others have made online dating user-friendly, hip, and satisfyingly mainstream.

With the increased interest in this medium, there has, of course, come an increased interest in how well digital dating leads to long-term relationships. As with any form of matchmaking, many participants are looking for real love. If it is true that efficiently matched profiles, email exchanges, and social media meetings lead to “the one,” then many believers are game.

So, does online dating provide any better a foundation for lasting commitment and marital happiness?

There is evidence to support the idea.

Recently published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, lead researcher John Cacioppo, Professor in Psychology at the University of Chicago, published a paper about marital satisfaction between couples who met online and offline. The research indicates that couples whose relationships began online often do enjoy increased marital satisfaction and lower breakup rates than those who meet conventionally.

Why Is This?

According to Cacioppo, his representative sample of just over 19,000 people revealed some common denominators for happily matched and committed couples:

Age

Online daters who report a high degree of relationship satisfaction tend to be older. Those between 30 and 49 are the most frequent users of dating sites. This fact suggests that such daters may be past the point of exploration for exploration’s sake and are actively pursuing people who are a good match in the pursuit of commitment.

Socio-economic status

The ability to filter prospective mates for those with similar financial goals and accomplishments is a significant advantage. Class similarities seem to count much more than factors of race, culture, or ethnicity; this fact isn’t particularly surprising given that a large segment of the divorced population cites money issues as the key cause for the demise of their relationships. Being able to reduce financial friction from the start would seem an important benefit.

Still, there seem to be more than just demographics at work. According to the Pew Internet & American Life Project, nearly 64 percent of online daters believe online dating simply increases the odds of a better match due to the quantity of potential dates. They believe the online dating process puts them in charge of how they chose their mates and the quality of those connections.

Selectivity and practicality

The ability to be selective seems to eliminate the sense that people are just settling for what they get when searching online for suitable mates. The process of meeting people who share interests, values, lifestyles, and pragmatic commonalities feels more within the user’s control. Actually choosing a mate based on known points of compatibility, rather than relying on chance, gives couples the sense that they have the core information from which to develop a working knowledge of one other, as well as to form a solid friendship, and eventually to create a lasting marriage.

Online authenticity

Researchers and happy couples also report that meeting online has a greater sense of authenticity than exists in face-to-face connection. While there is some initial fudging of weight or height information initially, studies indicate that many people are given to “self-disclosure” and take the opportunity to be more expressive online. This authenticity also supports a sense of emotional safety and trust that makes for building strong relationships.

In sum, online daters that are happily married are mature, ready for love, and motivated by the many options of controlled dating environments. Many of the resulting marriages attest to that.

If you’re interested in exploring online dating and would like some support through the process, please contact me to learn more about how relationship counseling can help.