Perhaps you and your partner are always talking past each other or having the same fights repeatedly. It can be frustrating when you feel your partner doesn’t get you. There are simple things you can do to improve communication in your relationship. This post will give tips to help you and your partner communicate better, understand each other more deeply, and strengthen your bond.

1. Listen Actively and Validate Your Partner’s Feelings

Paying attention to the little details can make a big difference. Make eye contact, nod, and avoid distractions like your phone. Ask follow-up questions to show you understand what they’re saying. Repeat back parts of what they’ve told you in your own words to confirm you’ve got it.

Let your partner know their feelings matter to you, even if you see the situation differently. Their feelings are valid, even if you disagree with their perspective. Once your partner opens up, avoid criticism. Don’t attack or judge them for how they feel. Stay open-minded and remember that feelings aren’t always rational. Ask clarifying questions to make sure you grasp the underlying issue rather than just reacting to surface emotions.

2. Practice Non-Violent Communication

When your partner is speaking, make an effort to listen without judgment. Don’t interrupt, criticize, or make assumptions. Focus on understanding their perspective and feelings. Ask open-ended questions to ensure you comprehend what they’re saying before responding.

Use “I” statements to express how specific actions or events made you feel instead of accusing “you.” For example, say, “I felt frustrated when the chores weren’t done,” rather than “You never do your share around here.” This approach can help prevent your partner from feeling attacked or becoming defensive.

Disagreements are inevitable, so learn to compromise. Look for solutions you feel good about, even if they’re not perfect. Compromise and cooperation are what make relationships work long-term.

3. Schedule Regular Check-Ins

Sit down together regularly, like once or every other week, for an open discussion about your relationship and feelings. These check-ins allow you to express how you’re doing, bring up any concerns, and ensure you’re both on the same page regarding your needs and desires.

It may initially feel awkward, but sticking to a routine will help these conversations feel more natural. Focus on listening without judgment and validating each other’s experiences. Appreciate your partner for opening up to you, even if what they say is hard to hear. Compromise when you disagree, and look for solutions you’re both comfortable with.

4. Expressing Your Needs and Feelings Constructively

Be specific in describing your feelings rather than using vague terms like “bad” or “hurt.” Saying, “I feel disrespected when you interrupt me,” is more helpful than “I feel bad when you do that.” Give concrete examples to illustrate your points.

Share how specific actions impact you, then suggest compromises. For instance, “When you don’t call if you’re going to be late, I worry. Can we agree to check in if our plans change?” Focus on listening to understand their perspective, too. Discuss one issue at a time rather than bringing up a long list of complaints. This avoids seeming attacking and gives each concern the attention it deserves. 

5. Managing Conflict With Empathy and Understanding

When tensions rise, take a breath and listen to your partner’s perspective. Try rephrasing what they said to confirm you understand their concerns. Once you both feel heard, you’ll be in a better place to have a constructive conversation.

Talk about how their actions impacted you rather than criticizing their intentions. For example, say, “I felt frustrated when the chores didn’t get done,” rather than “You never do your fair share around here.” Speaking about your own experience can help reduce defensiveness.

Communication is at the heart of every firm, lasting relationship. If you’re looking for ways to communicate more openly, honestly, and lovingly with your partner, we can help. Book an appointment with us for couples therapy today.